Detox
by kazumigirl
Summary: Sequel to "Toxic". Robin knew that readjusting to his old life would be hard, but this hard? And will Slade haunt him forever? Oh, and btw, Batman is royally pissed.
1. Home

**Unmasked**

Robin awoke and stretched dramatically, arching his back even. He collapsed back onto the mattress and inhaled deeply. The scent of Wayne Manor was so refreshing, so welcoming. He heard a yip followed by a small growl and turned his head to see Brisby, his new dog. He had been _home_ only a few weeks, but he had begged and pleaded with Batman to pick up the stray. He felt the little mutt had been a sign, perhaps even a second chance after his last encounter with a dog.

"C'mere, Psycho." He leaned over the bed and scooped up the scruffy creature, setting it on the bed beside him. He smiled as the puppy began to attack him with slobbery kisses. He used his hand to wrestle the creature a bit and then got out of bed, setting Brisby on the floor. He traveled into the bathroom connected to his bedroom and turned the sink faucet. As he splashed cold water on his face, he paused and glanced down at his wrist. The wrist where a unwanted 'S' sneered back at him. He shook his head slightly and continued to wash his face. As he turned the water off, he heard Brisby tear out of the bedroom at full speed, barking wildly. He rolled his eyes slightly and proceeded to brush his teeth. After he was finished, he still heard the little mutt yammering on. What on Earth was so exciting? He went back into his bedroom and began digging through the various articles of clothing on the floor. He threw on a semi-long sleeved shirt and jeans and left the room, finishing up the touches on his freshly gelled hair.

He had not fully adjusted to his old life, but he was working hard on it. He had not told Bruce anything that had happened, nor had his adoptive father tried to pry. In fact, he had been so understanding that he had gone to Jump City to inform the Titans of Robin's return. He had been firm, but not insensitive when they begged to see him. He had simply told them he would keep them updated, and in time, Robin would be up to talking to them. Of course Robin _wanted_ to see them, but he was afraid. Afraid of what to tell them. Afraid of the questions they might ask. The questions about his treatment, his scars, his tattoos. He was also not quite ready to go back to Jump City.

--

He made his way to the top of the stairs, still fingering his hair, and suddenly stopped, hearing laughter. His heart stopped as well. His hands slowly made their way from his head to the solid oak banister ornaments.

"So you see," he heard Bruce say. "It'll be a while before we get serious about any kind of business deals." He cleared his throat, somewhat awkwardly. "Family issues."

"Not a problem," another voice spoke and Robin's legs suddenly became lead. "I'm a patient man, Mr. Wayne."

Robin knew he only had to go halfway down the stairs to get a glimpse of who was talking downstairs, but his legs refused to comply, as did the rest of him. 'It's not possible,' the logical side of his mind tried to reason. 'It's okay. It's not what you think'.

Robin's ears knew better. The voice was all too familiar. He inched his way down a few steps, and then a few more. Bruce noticed and smiled, somewhat nervously. "Dick," he greeted. "Good morning." He turned to the man. "This is my son."

"Ah," the man raised his eyebrows, nodding. His face was a normal face, not young, but aging gracefully. It was solid, as if he might had been from a long line of military soldiers. He was deeply tanned with white-blonde hair, some gray, trimmed into a nice, businessman cut. His eye, the one not hidden behind an eye patch, was a smoky color. Robin's face drained of all color and his breath caught in his throat. He had never seen the man without a mask before, but he knew this was Slade. Brisby growled from under a china cabinet nearby, and Slade laughed good naturedly.

"Well, I'm glad you're still interested in doing business, Mr. Wilson." Bruce stood up and the men shook hands. "When we get things a little more settled around here, I'll give you a call."

"You do that," the other man replied, his gaze floating over to the boy on the stairs. As Alfred led him to the door, he grinned at Robin. "Nice to meet you, _Dick_."

--

"Dick!" The second the man was out the door, Robin collapsed to his knees and Alfred and Bruce were at his side.

"What's the matter, son?" Bruce asked worriedly, rubbing his back.

"Who was that?" Robin asked quietly, hoping it was all in his imagination.

Bruce seemed confused by the very question. "That was an associate I haven't had much time to interact with," he explained. "I think he dropped by unexpectedly because I haven't spoken to him in over a month."

" 'Over a month'?" Robin repeated quietly. His mind quickly processed this, and he felt like throwing up. Slade had been in contact with Batman while he had Robin imprisoned. Bruce stopped rubbing his back. "Why, Dick?" He asked, his brows furrowing. He and Alfred exchanged confused glances. He asked more quietly, "Is there something you need to tell me?"

Robin suddenly felt tears burn in his eyes, and he blinked them back, desperate not to let them fall. It would be too embarrassing. Too _weak_. Bruce prodded him gently. "Why don't we go downstairs?"

--

They sat on the couch together and Bruce sent Alfred away to go make them some tea. Robin sunk into soft cushions, drawing his knees up. Bruce sighed slightly. "Son," he said quietly. "I don't want to push you, I really don't." He picked some lint off of the boy's shirt. "But I think it'll be a big help to both of us if you tell me just a little."

"That was him." Robin let out a long, shuddery sigh. He quickly wiped his eyes with the back of his hand and breathed heavily, more tears beginning to brim in his eyes. "That was Slade."

Bruce only nodded, and leaned his elbows on his knees, massaging his forehead with his fingertips. He let out several breaths through his nose and looked up as Alfred set the tea tray down before him. "Thank you, Alfred," he said, half-smiling. He turned back to Robin and pulled the boy against him with one arm. Robin stiffened, trying to be brave. Trying to be the boy wonder he'd always been, but quickly began sobbing into the man's side, suddenly feeling nine-years old again. Bruce wrapped his other arm around him and kissed the boy's forehead. "It's okay, son," he said in his gruff, but soft voice. "It's going to be okay." He kissed the top of his head, hair gel and all. "I promise."

--

Bruce sat in his large, slightly worn chair down in the Batcave. Alfred entered and handed him a tray of food. "Master Richard has finally fallen asleep," he informed the dark knight. "Although with that ipod of his blaring, I'm not sure how."

"He's exhausted," Bruce sighed, shaking his head. "Poor kid."

"So, what do you intend to do about this _Slade_ character?" Alfred sat down in another nearby chair.

"What do I intend to do _to_ him, you mean?" Bruce snorted slightly, though nothing was particularly funny, and shook his head. "I'm going to make that fucking bastard wish he had never laid eyes on my son." He stood up. "That's what I'm going to do."

"Beautiful choice of words, Sir," Alfred nodded.

--

_"Your last test," Slade hissed. "To see if these three months have done anything for you." He pulled him further down the length of the bed by his leg and roughly flipped him over. The obedient half of his brain had finally began to process what was going on and the boy struggled harder to get free, flipping himself back over in the process. Slade struck him in the face and growled, "It is as it is, Apprentice."_

Robin shot up, nearly crying out. He glanced around and calmed down a bit, realizing he was in his own bed in Wayne Manor. He wiped cold sweat from his forehead and collapsed back onto his pillow. Brisby snored slightly, curled up in a little ball at the boy's feet. Robin got out of bed and traveled downstairs and was surprised to see the living room completely dark. He sat on the couch and stared into the blackness.

"_I'm not listening to you anymore!" Robin suddenly yelled. "You're not taking me back there!" Defiance swelled in him. "You can't!" He ripped the device out and threw it on the floor. That's when he jumped. As the device hit the floor, a large, glove-clad hand reached down and picked it up. Standing in the now open doorway of the closet, was Slade himself._

"_I can't, can I?" He dusted the device off and moved closer to Robin. "Who's the boss here, Robin?"_

"Hey." His thoughts were suddenly interrupted and jumped slightly, feeling a hand tousle his hair. It was only Bruce. "You alright, Sport?"

Robin shrugged, nodded, and shook his head all at the same time. He sighed and looked up at his father. "When will I be able to return to normal?" He leaned his head back. "When will I stop being such a baby?"

"You're not a baby," Bruce informed him. "Don't ever say that."

"I didn't even do anything!" Robin exploded, but not loudly. "I just let the bastard step all over me! I'm-I'm…_pathetic_."

"You're not either." Bruce's voice was more firm this time. "You did what had to do to survive, and believe me, when I first found you, it's hard to imagine you managed to survive at all." He was quiet for a moment and finally asked the question that had been burning in his brain since he found Robin asleep in the underground passageway. "What did he _do_ to you, Dick?"

Robin made a face like Bruce had caught him in the arm with a needle. He looked away and mumbled, "Does it matter?" He squirmed uncomfortably. "My life is over anyway." He clenched his fists and felt anger surge through him. "Why _me_, Dad?" He felt his voice crack. "Why would he specifically pick me?"

"I don't know," Bruce answered truthfully, shaking his head. "I really don't, son."

The boy stared up at the dark ceiling. "He used a whip," he said quietly. He felt the scars on his back tingle, as if appalled that he dare say it out loud. "He used a fucking whip! Like I was a fucking animal!" Robin burst into tears once more, but tears of pure anger this time. The kind of tears one's body produces when it has no idea how to properly vent such anger and unfairness. Bruce watched him, nodding. He wasn't indifferent, but he knew that Robin needed this kind of tantrum. It was only healthy.

"He made me kill a dog! He _branded_ me!" The boy thrust out his wrist and pinched the skin around the tattoo on his wrist.

The memories burned in his mind like a disturbing scene on a movie. The kind that was hard to forget, even if you had seen it years before. He saw Slade drilling into his skin. He saw Slade cracking the whip on him, screaming that he was worthless. He saw Slade…

He choked on another sob and looked up at Bruce, breathing heavily. "He-" he couldn't seem to get the words past his lips. He thought of the red room. Ten times worse than the pitch black room. "He…_raped_ me…" His face immediately flushed with humiliation and shame and he suddenly wished he could take the words back. Boys did not get raped. They were stronger than that. They were tough. They were fighters. Weren't they? Bruce only nodded again and Robin stopped breathing so heavily. "You don't think I'm-" he began, but the older man cut him off. "I'm just happy to see you alive, son." He pulled Robin against him. "And you did what you did to survive." They embraced each other for a while, and when they pulled away, Bruce asked carefully, "Can I see?"

"Huh?" Robin was confused, and his father stood up, pulling his son with him. He began to lift the bottom of Robin's shirt, and the boy immediately pulled at the bottom of the fabric.

"It's okay, Dick." Bruce lifted the material halfway and Robin almost winced as he gingerly traced his fingers over the scars, trailing his way to the tattoo. He pulled the shirt back down and Robin turned to face him. "He's not coming back over here, is he?" The very thought made him want to wet his pants.

"Of course not," Bruce replied. He glanced at the clock on the wall. "You tired?"

"Not really," Robin admitted sheepishly.

"Get your shoes then, Champ." He patted the boy's shoulder. "We're going to IHOP."

To Be Continued…


	2. Outside

Robin drummed his fingers against the arm of the sofa and glanced at the grandfather clock once again. He'd finally gotten the guts to contact the other Titans personally, and though he felt he wasn't quite ready to do so, invited them over. Brisby was sprawled out across his lap, snoring softly. Alfred walked into the room, carrying a tray of cookies and tea and set it down on the coffee table.

"Your friends will be so delighted to see you," he commented. "And I'm sure you've missed them as well."

Robin nodded, his eyes on the clock once more. He thanked Alfred for the snacks and massaged his forehead with his fingertips. The Titans would arrive at any moment. Brisby leapt down onto the floor, his ears perked, and began yipping as he raced for the front door. Robin shot up like a rocket and sped past the dog, taking the door handle with one hand and smoothing out his shirt with the other. He took a deep breath and opened the door a crack. Starfire grinned back at him, and he opened it all the way.

"Robin!" She laughed, throwing her arms around him. "It is wonderful to see you!" She floated down to the ground and fingered the fabric of her skirt. "I proceeded to purchase special attire for our reunion," she explained modestly. "Do you like it?"

"You're beautiful," Robin shrugged with a chuckle, suddenly feeling a lot better than he had in a long time. He stepped aside and motioned for Star and the others to enter the house.

"Nice pad," Beastboy commented, looking around. "Ooh! Cookies!" He raced for the sofa.

Cyborg held out his hand and he and Robin did that weird handshake/back-slap gesture males perform in place of hugs. Raven smiled slightly at Robin, her hands in her sweater pockets, and said quietly,"We're glad you're safe."

----

"He is most amusing!" Starfire giggled as she tickled the belly of Robin's puppy, who lay on his back, playfully chewing on the alien's fingers. "Please, where did you find him?"

"Just a stray running around," Robin said, leaning over from his place beside her to wrestle Brisby with his hand. He didn't feel like explaining his guilt over stabbing another dog to death.

It was nice to see the other Titans, it really was, but the air was thick with questions that would not be asked. Robin could see it in their eyes and hear it in their voices. They talked about the Tower, the latest villains running around, Beastboy's pranks, Raven pummeling him, Star Fire's new recipes, Cyborg's new inventions, but they did not talk about Slade. They did not mention Robin's absence. They did not ask where, when, or how. They could not ask why. As Starfire and Beastboy laughed at one of Cyborg's remarks about a new villain, Robin made brief eye-contact with Raven and she looked back at him. They looked away from each other and turned back to the conversation at hand.

Beastboy eventually found Robin's game station and he and Cyborg hooked it up, immediately wanting to play video games. Starfire joined them, but just before she did, she turned to Robin and asked, "Might you join us in the Rock Band, Robin?"

"You guys go ahead first and I'll play after you finish a few songs," Robin told her.

As the three Titans played the game, Cyborg on guitar, Beastboy on drums, and Starfire on vocals, Raven and Robin sat on the sofa and watched. Robin pretended to be interested in watching the television screen, but he could feel Raven's gaze on him so he sighed and asked quietly, "What do you want to know?" You could fool Beastboy and Starfire most of the time, you could fool Cyborg some of the time, but you could never fool Raven. Not for a second. The half-demon girl shrugged. "Nothing," she said. "Just if you're alright."

"You won't tell the others?" Robin lowered his voice. "I know you know."

"I won't," Raven promised. She reached her hand out and brushed it over his. "And you're still our leader, still the one we're going to look up to."

"Thanks," Robin smiled a little.

----

"How was the visit with your team?" Bruce asked as they ate dinner that night. "Alfred said it got pretty loud in the living room."

"It was good," Robin shrugged, moving his food around his plate. "I've missed them." He took a drink of his iced tea and picked at his green beans some more. Bruce sighed slightly and said, "Dick, I want you to know how sorry I am-"

"Don't," Robin interrupted him. "None of it was your fault. It was mine."

"No." Bruce shook his head and pushed his plate away. " You've done nothing wrong." He sighed and massaged his forehead. "I know it's hard for you to understand, especially since you've been on your own for a little while, but you're still only a kid."

"I didn't know you got my message on the phone," Robin admitted. "I thought I didn't send it."

"Maybe you thought you didn't but you really did," His adoptive father suggested. "Or maybe somehow in this world, miracles really do happen." He stood up and walked over to the other side of the table where Robin sat and pulled out one of the chairs next to him, sitting halfway beside him, halfway across from him. "I'm not letting Slade get away with this," he said, his voice quiet, but angry. "And I know it's going to take a little time for you to get back on your feet."

Robin sighed and pulled at his hair. It was a nervous habit he'd started while imprisoned, Bruce guessed. The boy opened his mouth slightly, as if to say something, and his father waited patiently.

"Can we just forget about Slade?" He finally asked.

Bruce shook his head. "I'm sorry, Richard." He patted the boy's shoulders. "I would lie to you and say yes, but I don't like to lie, not to you."

Robin thought he would feel worse, but he actually felt a lot better. He sipped at his tea once more and cleared his throat. "I'm ready to talk," he said quietly. "I mean, when you're not busy."

"Of course, Son," Bruce collected the dishes. "Why don't we go to the couch?"

"How about my room?" Robin suggested.

---

Sitting on his unmade bed, Robin told Bruce about his time with Slade, without going into too much detail. He told him about getting sick, about being locked in the dark, about the beatings, the whipping, the starvation. He told him about not being able to wear shoes or have any weapons. He told him about stabbing the dog, petting Brisby as he did so. He told him everything, and when he was done, felt as if a lare rock had been lifted off of his chest. He suddenly felt he could breathe again.

"Sounds like Slade could use a hobby," Bruce finally said, with a straight face.

Robin laughed and pulled his dog into his lap. "Beast Boy always jokes that his mother didn't love him enough."

"I'm sorry I wasn't there sooner, "Bruce said once again. "I'd turned Go City upside down, and it took me that long to think of checking _under_ the city." He sighed. "When I found you, I was actually scared you were gone."

"When you found me I thought you were Slade," Robin admitted sheepishly. "I hadn't been around people in so long that when I heard your voice, that's all I could think about." He put the puppy on the floor. "I'm glad you found me instead of the Titans." He felt bad about saying it. "I just couldn't go back to the Tower that night."

----

Robin felt himself growing more and more comfortable each day at home, and more brave as well. He had the Titans visit more often, and had even gone around Gotham with them a few times. Of course, he'd been able to go out with Bruce and Alfred as well. He felt himself growing bored working out in the gym and playing video games. So one morning, he woke up and decided he would go outside on his own. After all, he'd gone out with the Titans, and nothing happened. He'd gone out with Bruce, and nothing happened. He'd even gone out with Alfred, and nothing happened. He'd convinced himself that everything was alright now. He could go outside. He could begin to live his life again.

After he showered and brushed his teeth and gelled his hair, he put Brisby on a leash and headed out the front door. Gotham was bustling with people, and that made him feel good. He wore sunglasses, not too dark so people wouldn't get suspicious, but dark enough so he didn't feel so exposed to the world. Brisby panted and barked and tugged at his leash, eager for the stroll around town. Robin wondered what the little dog's life had been like before they picked him up on the street. He seemed so familiar with the town.

They made it to the park, and Robin stopped briefly to let Brisby sniff the grass. He inhaled deeply and smiled slightly. He wouldn't have to live in fear, not anymore. Brisby's ears perked and Robin noticed a squirrel in the distance. "Nuh uh." He gripped the leash. "Leave it alone."

Brisby went back to sniffing the grass, and his ears perked once more. Robin looked but the squirrel was long gone. He started to tug the little dog away so they could continue on their way when he felt something cold against his neck. Something round. Something that felt familiar. The barrel of a gun.

"Thought you'd never see this again, didn't you?" The voice could never be mistaken for anybody else. "Tell me, Robin, have you ever heard the old saying 'What goes around, comes around'?"

Robin gulped and tensed as a strong, gloved hand encircled his thin wrist. "I know you know that we would eventually find each other again." The boy didn't say anything. The rock seemed to fall on him again, making it difficult for him to talk or breathe. He winced slightly as Slade's grip tightened and he bent the boy's arm back in a painful position. "It wasn't nice of you to run away, Robin," the man hissed. "I think I should take you home and give you a lesson in apprenticeship."

"I think you should take your hands off my son." They both turned around to see Bruce standing behind them.

To Be Continued...


	3. Lost Identity

**Lost Identity**

Robin's breath caught in his throat as he heard Bruce's voice, but he didn't dare speak or move. It wasn't the gun that prevented him, it was Slade. His captor released him, however, and Robin stumbled forward, shaking violently. Brisby barked wildly, bouncing between the small distance between the boy and the man. Robin turned heel, facing Bruce, and attempted to make a run for him, but Slade was in his way, and he wasn't sure if he had the courage to do so. It wasn't Slade in his mask, but like Robin, he was wearing sunglasses. Still, the voice gave away everything. It was Slade, mask or no mask.

"Mr. Wayne," the man chuckled slightly. "What a coincidence running into you."

The fact that there was not a shred of worry in his voice terrified Robin. Did anything scare this man? Robin could only think of one thing that held no fear, and that was the devil. It was not completely unbelievable to think that's who Slade just might be. Bruce walked past him, over to Robin, and placed a firm hand on the boy's shoulder. Brisby continued to bark wildly.

"I'm not going to deal with you here," Bruce informed Slade. "Not like this, not in front of my son."

"_Your_ son?" Slade grinned. "Of course, how could I forget." He removed his shades and his gaze fell to Robin. "I believe we met a few days ago, didn't we, Mr. Grayson?"

"Wait here," Bruce growled, removing his hand from Robin. He stormed over to Slade and grabbed the front of his shirt roughly. The other man looked as casual as ever.

"How does it feel to know that while you and I were postponing business agreements, Dear little Robin was being made into my apprentice? He asked. "Whether you admit it or not, Mr. Wayne, I destroyed his old identity, and created a new one in its place."

Bruce punched him. Robin didn't actually expect him to. Outside of his Batman persona, he never lashed out violently. On one hand, it was because he had a high image to uphold, but on the other, it was because he strongly believed in solving problems with words. He'd taught Robin, when the boy was only nine, that unless you had to, you never acted on violence. The blow was so hard that Slade's head made a terrible snapping noise as it jerked back, and when he looked up, his mouth was bloody. Robin's eyes widened. He did not know Slade could bleed. Of course, he'd bit him and drew blood, but this was different. Slade got up from where he'd fallen on the ground, and spit out some blood. He looked angry.

"Tell me, Slade," Bruce sounded even angrier. "How does it feel to know that I'm about to be your worst nightmare?"

"You can't win." Slade seemed to have gained composure once more. "You just can't, Mr. Wayne. Robin needs me now. He can never function in a normal life again. Whether I bring him back, or returns on his own, your _son_ will come back to me." He eyed Robin. "Isn't that right, Apprentice?"

Robin only shook his head. He felt just a bit braver with someone else around. And Slade's bleeding jaw helped a bit too.

---

"It wasn't Slade," Bruce sighed as he stared at the large computer screen. "The bastard won't even show his real face."

"What do you mean, Sir?" Alfred asked, setting a tray of tea down beside him. He looked up at the screen as well, which was nothing but confusing code strands. Bruce massaged his forehead with his fingertips and explained, "I did some tests, and it wasn't blood that got on my knuckles. That was some kind of android. I figured as much when I hit it. The guy must produce a lot of robots." He took a sip of tea. "How's Richard doing?"

"I was just about to go check on him," Alfred said.

"I'll go-" Bruce stood up.

"Actually, Master Bruce, if you don't mind, I'd like to speak with him," Alfred smiled gently. Bruce only nodded, a bit dumbfounded, but Alfred had a mentor aura about him, and Bruce rarely questioned his intelligence.

---

Robin, who had been lying on his bed listening to his ipod, sat up when he saw Alfred enter the room. He handed Robin a mug of tea and sat down on the bed beside him. He took one of the earphones out of the boy's ears and winced slightly. "It's a miracle you haven't gone deaf," he chuckled. Robin turned the device off and sipped the tea. "Thank you, Alfred."

"I heard there was an encounter with-"

"It wasn't Slade," Robin interrupted him, still sipping the tea. "Slade only has one eye, and he would never let me find out his identity. Not in a million years." He gulped the tea down, and set the empty mug on the nightstand beside his bed.

"Who would want to know?" Alfred shrugged. "From what I've learned about villains is most of them don't need identities to begin with. They're all mad, if you ask me."

"Slade's not just crazy," Robin sighed. "He's evil." 'Evil' was an understatement, but Robin wasn't sure if there was a stronger word to describe the man with no identity other than the one he used to cover it up with.

"Master Richard," Alfred rubbed the boy's back affectionately. "I just want you to know that while Master Bruce is like a son to me, you're like a grandson. I've watched you grow up, and I know that certain little bumps along the way will not prevent you into becoming a fine man or hero."

Hero. Robin wasn't too sure he'd ever be able to hold that title again. Not if he was going to live the rest of his life in fear. He longed to return to the tower and be the leader of the Titans. He longed to fight crime. He longed to swell with pride. He longed to be the same again, but he feared Slade might be right. His former identity might be lost forever. Alfred gave him a hug and Robin hugged him back. It was nice to know that people really did care about him, no matter what happened.

---

_"Not yet, you mean," Slade replied, pulling him away from the wall and parading him back to the dark room by the back of his neck. He shoved him inside and said, "Our three months begins now."_

Robin awoke to yet another nightmare. Days had passed since the encounter with Slade. Well, Slade's robot, but Slade nonetheless. He could now cope with the bad dreams that plagued him. Just as time had promised, the entrapment was becoming more and more a thing of the past. He didn't think he would truly ever get over it one-hundred percent, but he was starting to feel that he would not have to hide the rest of his life. He also knew what a problem that was. Every time he seemed to get comfortable, every time he started to feel safe, something would happen that would change all of that. In the back of his mind, he always expected Slade to be watching him, to be waiting for him.

He got out of bed and got dressed. Zipping up his sweater, he opened his bedroom window, and climbed out onto the roof. The night wind, which was now autumn wind, felt good against his skin and he inhaled deeply. Everything looked so far away from Wayne Manor, and he liked it that way. He wrapped his sweater more tightly around him as the wind picked up, but it seemed to blow the fear right off of him. He remembered thinking that one day when Starfire became his girlfriend, he'd sit with her at night on top of Wayne Manor. She would snuggle against him for warmth and they would talk about the stars. It was a silly, boyish daydream, he knew, but it had meant so much to him. Now, it meant nothing. What if Starfire found out the truth and she would never want to be with him? What if she found out he was terrified of Slade? What if she found out what he had let Slade do to him? What if she found out what he'd done on Slade's behalf? He seemed to get colder with each fleeting worry, and soon depression overcame him once more. He hated feeling depressed, feeling like the entire world was against him and he was all alone. Bruce had informed him that it was normal, and that it would pass, but Robin wasn't sure anymore. He wasn't sure of anything, and that depressed him even more.

----

Autumn turned into winter, and the chilly air became wet and cold. Bruce had invited the Titans to share Thanksgiving at Wayne Manor, and Robin was slightly embarrassed he could not be more cheerful. In fact, Thanksgiving morning he woke up and went straight to the bathroom to cry. He wasn't sure why. Time was supposed to heal, and for a while, it had. His nightmares and visions were less frequent. There had been no word or sign of Slade. His friends had come to visit him more and more. So he wasn't sure why he felt so awful all the time. He hated it too. He hated himself for it. He was fifteen, not five! He continued to try and order himself to grow up. He attempted his best to seem happy during dinner, and under any other circumstances, he would have been elated. Starfire sat beside him at the large table, in her new purple and white dress, and she smelled wonderful. The dinner was full of conversation and laughter, and Robin put on his best mask, smiling and making jokes like everyone else.

After dinner, Beastboy and Cyborg dug out Robin's gamestation, and against her wishes, Raven joined them. Bruce and Alfred sat on the couch and watched. Starfire and Robin stood there, side by side, wondering where they should sit. Robin finally rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly and asked, "Wanna go to the roof?"

"Yes," Starfire smiled. They walked out the front door, and smiling sheepishly, Robin dug around in the pocket of his khaki slacks and retrieved his grappling hook. He took Starfire around the waist and they climbed up the mansion. Once they were seated above Robin's bedroom, Starfire snuggled up against him, and Robin shrugged off his jacket, offering it to her.

"Your weather does not affect me, remember?" She giggled.

"Oh," Robin turned red. "Right." He started to take the jacket back, but Starfire stopped him. She smelled it and laughed. "It is so nice hold this."

"I'm sorry I haven't been able to come home yet," Robin muttered. "I feel really bad about it." He didn't want to admit it out loud that he was scared. Not to Starfire.

"We do miss you," Starfire agreed. "But we also understand." She kissed his cheek. "I understand." She brushed her fingers against his hand and Robin knew it was the right time. His heart pounding, his legs and hands shaking, he leaned over and brushed his lips against hers gently. The kiss was easy enough to melt into, and he soon found himself pulling them both down onto the cold stone ground (well, roof). They continued to kiss, and Robin was surprised that with no experience whatsoever, he wasn't a total spaz at it.

"Wow," he breathed when they finally pulled apart.

Starfire giggled and leaned down to kiss him again. "I have missed you so much, Robin." She sat up, while he still lay on the ground, and she smoothed out his maroon sweater with her fingertips. "I have a confession to make."

"A confession?" His blue eyes met her green.

"When you were…away," the alien tucked some hair behind her ears. "I destroyed some of your things." She bit her bottom lip. "I apologize, I truly am sorry, but after two months, we so angry, so tired, so…" she looked at him. "I lost control, Robin."

"What'd you destroy?" The boy asked quietly.

"Your Slade evidence," the girl replied, even more quietly. "The mask, the newspaper clippings, the plastic bags with evidence. I was sure you were gone, and I…" she blinked back tears. "I just became so angry."

Robin sat up and sighed. "That doesn't bother me, Star," he reassured her. "Really, it doesn't. I'm glad you did."

"You are not upset?" Starfire sniffled. "But you worked so long and hard to collect those items."

"I don't want anything of Slade's in our home," Robin felt the wave of depression sweeping over him again. Just when he'd shared his first kiss and felt like a man, he was regressing back into a frightened, ashamed little boy once more.

"Robin?" Starfire saw the sadness in his eyes and brushed some stray hair away from his forehead.

"I can't come home," he said quietly. He put his face in his hands. "I really can't be leader of the Titans anymore."

"Why not?" Starfire furrowed her small brows worriedly. "You are a glorious leader, Robin. We would not wish to have anyone else lead the team and-"

"I just can't," Robin interrupted her. "Trust me, if you knew, you would understand."

"How am I to ever understand?" Starfire asked quietly. "You will not tell us anything. You will not come home, you will not leave this house." She blinked back unfair tears. "Robin, there is nothing that would change how we feel about you."

"You don't know that," Robin tugged at his hair. 'Don't pick a fight', he mentally ordered himself. 'None of this is her fault. Do not take it out on her'.

"I do know," Starfire stood up, pulling him up with her. She hugged him tightly and kissed him once more. "I honestly, truly do." She looked down at his hands, which were entwined in hers, and she squeezed gently.

---

Winter left Robin feeling more depressed than ever. The air was cold and wet. The sky was always gray. Of course, the Titans often came to visit, at least once or twice a week, and Robin found himself eager for their company. Especially Starfire's. Of course, he also enjoyed Bruce and Alfred's company, and Brisby's, but being alone, that was a different story. Everyone, to some degree, enjoyed solitude now and then, but Robin found it hard to cope with. Without someone else around to distract him, he found himself bitter and hurt by events of the past, and cried often. Sometimes he would just wake up in the middle of the night and cry. Other times he would wake up and cry. Once in a while Bruce would be away at work and Alfred would be busy, so Robin would schedule private crying sessions. He also felt angry a lot of the time, more angry than usual. He didn't mean to be moody, but sometimes he would catch himself snapping at Bruce or Alfred, and sometimes his friends.

---

"You know," Bruce spoke one evening as they sat on the sofa and ate Chinese takeout. "Christmas is right around the corner." He took a dumpling between his chopsticks and eyed Robin. "Thought about what you want yet?"

Robin knew the one thing he wanted, he could never get. Not without magic, or a wizard, or a genie, or something. He simply shrugged and poked at his food. Bruce only nodded and suggested, "I was thinking we could take a trip."

Robin glanced at him curiously. Bruce stirred some of his rice and mushu chicken together, and explained, "Maybe Hawaii, maybe Italy, Germany, England, France." He took a bite of his food. "Disney World."

Robin smiled slightly at the last one. He and Bruce had gone to Disney World once, and neither of them had enjoyed it. They'd both agreed that it was good for little kids, even though Robin had only been eleven years old at the time. He thought about it, and wondered just how far away those places were from Slade. Bruce took a drink of his iced tea and asked, "Any of those sound like a good holiday getaway?"

"Could you take off from work?" Robin asked, referring both to his work at Wayne Enterprise and his duty as Batman.

"Sure, for a week or so," Bruce shrugged. "And if you'd want to go, I'd want to go." He patted Robin's shoulder. "You name the place, and I'll make the plans to go, Champ."

"Maybe we could go hiking," Robin suggested. He remembered when he was ten, he and Bruce had gone hiking in the Smokey Mountains of Tennessee. It was the best vacation he'd ever been on. Of course, with his and Batman's training as super heroes, the hike had been a piece of cake. They'd made camp, and slept in a tent. They'd eaten instant oatmeal and dried fruit for breakfast. What Robin liked best, however, was that Bruce taught him that nature was the cure for all ailments. It was true too. Or, at least at the time, anyway. His parents had only been gone a year, and though he was still a bit sore about it, the great outdoors, and Bruce's gentle voice explaining everything in such a transcendentalist manner, Robin had felt a lot better when they returned home.

"A hiking trip sounds great," Bruce agreed. "I'll make plans for it."

----

To Be Continued…


	4. Choices

**Choices**

**Author's note: This chapter is what I like to call an 'appetizer' chapter. There's not a lot of action in it, I know, but I've been super busy with school and work, and won't have a lot of time to write a serious sit-down chapter until after Christmas. Hope you enjoy! Be looking for the new chapter in a week or so!**

Batman and Robin, or Bruce and Dick, rather, went on a hiking trip during the week of Christmas. It was the same trail they had taken when Robin was only ten years old. The wind nipped at their exposed flesh and snow dusted their heavy jackets. What Robin enjoyed most about the cold, however, was that it made everything more quiet, silent almost. Every sound that would normally carry an echo, was muffled by the misty ice flakes.

The two didn't talk a lot, but they didn't need to. Nature spoke enough for the both of them. They would stop to rest and drink some hot tea in a thermos, or to watch a deer peek out of some brush. These few times they stopped in their tracks, Robin would feel a little more regret, worry, and hate slip out of him and disappear into the cold. He pretended his own visible breath was the source of all of his depression and fear, and exhaling, he beamed seeing it vanish before his eyes.

"Soup's ready," Bruce said on the last night of their trip, handing Robin a steaming thermos and spoon. "Alfred's too good to us, you know that, right?"

"What do you mean?" Robin asked, taking a sip of his soup. He realized he was answering his own question. Alfred had made them homemade food for the trip. "It's good," he finally spoke in between gulps.

"You know," Bruce said, peeking out the flap of the tent to see the falling snow. "Ralph Waldo Emerson discussed how man is only at peace when he truly comes to terms with nature." He smiled softly, still staring at the snow. "I think he was right. There's nothing like the great outdoors to make you forget you run a business or have a deadline due or even that you'll die one day." He put the flap back into place and said, "Anyway, I'm going to go ahead and turn in. You stay up as long as you like."

-----

Robin waited until his father was asleep, and then redressed. Zipping up his heavy coat, he stepped out of the tent and started down one of the random forks in the trail. He was now surrounded by trees, so the snow was not weighing him down, nor was the wind making him stumble. He knew a lot about Emerson because Bruce had several framed quotes around his study. When Robin was still little, only nine, he'd wandered into the office after a bad dream to find Bruce still up and working. His newly adopted father and hoisted him onto his lap and listened patiently as Robin recounted his nightmare, sometimes stopping and picking up on an entirely different situation. At one point, he'd pointed to one of the frame quotes and asked, "What does that mean?"

" 'Be not the slave to your own past,' "Bruce had read aloud. " 'Plunge into the sublime seas, dive deep and swim far, so you shall come back with self-respect, with new power, with an advanced experience that shall explain and overlook the old' ". After scratching his chin for a while, he finally said, "It means that life is too short to be sad about the past, and to think good things about the future."

-----

Robin made his way to the edge of a cliff, still dotted with trees, and stared down the rocky wall. Sighing heavily, he sat down and listened to the muffled sounds around him. For three months, he had been imprisoned by Slade, and those three months, though only ninety some odd days, had taken away a good chunk of his life, his character, his spirit. Thinking back to Emerson, Robin decided he had two choices. He could worry and cry forever, or he could move on. He would never forget Slade, he knew that much. He would always have nightmares and bad memories, he knew that too. He also knew, however, that there were people like him throughout the course of history, and even in the present. Most likely the future too. There would always be people treated unfairly by someone who thought of themselves as a higher rank. There would always be someone who had been abused and tortured, and worse. Robin had never had to think about those people on a personal level because he never thought he'd be one of them. Now he was, and he had to make a choice. Fear or Bravery.

A gust of wind whipped by and Robin knew what his choice was. Standing up, he started back in the direction he had come, and crawled back into the tint, removing his hat, gloves, boots, and coat.

"Were you out just now?" Bruce asked groggily, sitting up.

"Had to pee," Robin lied, wriggling into his sleeping bag. "Sorry I woke you."

"No problem, son," Bruce yawned, turning back over.

"Hey, Dad?"

"Mm?"

"Didn't Emerson also say 'self-trust is the first secret to success'?"

"I think so, why?"

"Just wondering." Robin turned over. "G'night."

"Night."

To Be Continued...


	5. Return

**Return**

**Author's note:** I know it has been FOREVER since I updated, but I lost interest, and then decided I have to finish it…so here's the next chapter!

It was nearing March. Robin seemed to do better and better everyday. His father noticed it, Alfred noticed it, and his friends noticed it. The winter weather had rolled over to sleep, and the winds were still chilly, but nice. Everything seemed to be better. Everything except Robin's strive to be a hero. It had been like a bad itch to his teammates, not to pester and whine about returning to the tower, but now it was almost unbearable. It was unbearable for Starfire.

"Happy Valentine's Day, Star," Robin said, walking into the living room with a bouquet of flowers and a gift bag. He tossed the gifts to his girlfriend, who gasped as she caught them, and then hopped over the back of the couch to sit beside her.

"Robin!" Starfire smiled as she peered into the bag and retrieved a necklace, a teddy bear, and a container of mustard. "I do not know what to say."

She glanced curiously at the flowers and picked one of the petals off, inspecting it carefully. Smelling it, she popped it into her mouth. "Mm! Your floral arrangement is most enjoyable!"

Robin fought the urge to roll his eyes and shrugged one shoulder. "I never pictured myself giving gifts to a beautiful girl on Valentine's Day," he said. "I used to be so busy glued to the computer screen and practicing my martial arts."

Starfire stopped eating her rose petals. "Do you ever imagine yourself…" she hesitated. "Doing those things again?"

A thick silence fell between them and Robin squirmed uncomfortably. He hated stalling. He knew the Titans wanted to hear it from him, but he couldn't. He couldn't go back. Not now. Maybe not ever.

"Starfire," he said quietly. "I think those days are over." He never realized how much it would sting out loud. He sighed and covered his face with his hands, humiliated. "I'm sorry I'm such a wuss."

"I do not know what a wuss is," Starfire said firmly. "But whatever is, that is not what you are." She uncovered his face. "You are a strong, devoted, caring, wonderful person." She bit her bottom lip. "When I arrived here, I acted angry and mean, but I was scared."

Robin furrowed his brows. Throwing cars around and firing star bolts didn't seem _scared_ in his opinion. Starfire must have recognized the confusion on his face because she continued, "When you first spoke to me, I was terrified. I was in a situation that I did not understand how to handle, but when I heard your voice…" she trailed off.

"Starfire," Robin sighed. "You're really strong. You're also really brave, all of you are, but…" he tugged at his hair. "I'm not. Slade won. He told me he'd destroy me, and he did. I can't go back." He looked away. "I'm sorry."

---

"So he's never coming back?" Beastboy asked when Starfire returned to the Tower." As in, like, ever?"

"He seemed so sad," Starfire fiddled with the new necklace around her neck. "I did not know what to say after that. I have never known Robin to be so frightened and lost."

"We're just going to have to give him time," Raven said from across the room, meditating. "None of us know what Robin went through. We all know what a horrible person Slade is, so we have an idea." She placed her feet on the floor and looked at them. "Starfire, you're right. Robin is strong, but even the strongest people in the world get hurt."

"But it's been forever," Beastboy frowned. "It's already spring time! Are we just supposed to wait until he feels like coming around?"

"This is isn't like breaking your arm!" Raven snapped at him. "Broken bones take time to heal, but hurt, broken feelings take a lot longer."

"I just wish he'd open up a little," The changeling sighed, resting his head on the table. "He knows how worried we are about him. We're his family, you know?"

---

After dinner, Starfire made her way to Raven's room. She knocked timidly, knowing nobody was ever allowed inside with special permission. The other girl opened the door, and motioned for her to come inside. Starfire was surprised, but did so without hesitation.

"Raven," she said, rubbing her arm awkwardly. "You spoke of Slade, you said you have an idea of what happened to Robin?"

"I think we all do," Raven said quietly, looking at her. She patted a spot next to her on the bed and Starfire sat down beside her. "I know it hurts you more than it hurts us."

"Robin has a mark on his back, and on his wrist," Starfire informed her. "Both Slade's symbols." She stared into space as she remembered. "One evening at his dwelling…" she turned red and began swinging her feet. "Well…"

"Did you guys…" Raven trailed off.

"No!" Starfire cleared her throat. "No, we, uh, we did not, but Robin was on top of me, and I saw part of the marking under his back. I sat up abruptly and Robin must have known that I saw it because he pulled his shirt down and just sat on his bed, holding his shirt." She sighed. "I do not try to pry, or at least I try not to try, but I always end up prying."

"Robin will tell you when he's ready," Raven patted the girl's hand, which surprised Starfire. "Even if that takes years."

"But I want to suffer _with_ him!" Starfire pounded her fists onto her lap. " I do not wish for him to shut all of us out for _years_!" She stood up and blinked back tears. "Raven, you are a girl like me, you should know these things."

"Nobody could understand better than me," Raven agreed. "It took me sixteen years to reveal my pain, remember?" She was referring to her own exisistance. The nasty mess they had encountered with Trigon. " All we can do is make Robin remember that we love him and care about him." She tucked some hair behind her ears. "And we're counting on you the most."

---

"Grr!" Starfire laughed as she wrestled a sock between her hand and Brisby's teeth. "You shall not be victorious, little Bumgorf!"

Robin sat on the floor beside her, smiling as his eyes moved between her and the puppy. Starfire let Brisby have the sock, and turned to her boyfriend. "Robin," she said quietly. " I want you to know that I will give you all the time it takes."

Robin smiled and leaned forward, brushing his lips against hers gently. Between kissing her, their lip-locking becoming something more than a kiss, he said, "you guys have given me a lot of time already." He pulled away and stared at her. "I'm coming back to the tower."

Starfire's eyes lit up and she tackled him. "You are really returning to us?!" she squealed.

"Really," Robin choked as she squeezed him. He pushed himself back up into a sitting position. "Pretending to be something I'm not isn't going to help me in any way," he said. "And I'm a hero, and Titan's Tower is where I need to be."

---

Bruce did not seem as excited as Robin. As the boy packed his things, his father lingered in the doorway, sighing and rubbing his temples. "Son, are you sure you're ready to go back?"

"Emerson said self trust is the first secret to success," Robin said casually, inspecting a wrinkled shirt and tossing it into his duffle bag. "and I trust myself to live again." He zipped the bag shut. "Thanks for everything."

"Thanks for _nothing_," Bruce corrected him. "This is _your_ home too, Dick. You're welcome here anytime, you know that."

"I don't just mean for letting me live here," Robin explained, flopping onto his bed. "I mean for helping me through this." He got up and walked over to Bruce. "I couldn't have done it without you, Dad." They hugged, and Bruce kissed the mop of black hair.

"Be careful on that bike, and call me when you get to the tower," he said, pulling his son away to look him in the eyes.

"I will," Robin promised.

After the boy left, Bruce went down to the batcave and sat in his chair. He typed a few buttons onto his keyboard and a map appeared on the computer monitor, along with a beeping red dot. Robin. He had installed the device in the boy's bike, making sure he would arrive at his destination safely.

To Be Continued…


	6. Hard Love

**Hard Love**

**Author's Note: I'm sorry it's taken forever to update again. I just lose interest over and over, but I really am trying. **

Robin tried to be brave. He tried to laugh at Beastboy's jokes. He tried to pretend like he was having fun playing video games. He was trying to _try_. His friends were extra nice to him, and they did not mention anything about Slade or missions. It had been a whole twenty-four hours since the Titans' leader had returned to the tower, but it felt like a lifetime. From sitting on the couch just talking to sitting at the kitchen table eating pizza, everything that had once been a normal ritual, felt like it had happened hundreds of years ago. They tried to make it work, though. They tried hard.

"Aw, cheese and bread!" Beastboy groaned, putting down his controller as red lights flashed all over the tower, accompanied by a siren, the mission alarm.

"It's Dr. Light," Cyborg rolled his eyes, glancing at the large wall-sized monitor. "Robin, you wanna come with or- oomph!" He was cut short when Starfire flicked a small starbolt at the back of his head. She smiled at Robin and said, "Fear not, Robin! We shall defeat the Dr. Light." She gave him a squeeze. "You stay here and rest."

"Actually," Robin cleared his throat. "Um, if it's alright with you guys, I'd like to come with you." It was something his teammates never expected to hear, but their forming grins were too wide to conceal. Cyborg and Beastboy high-fived, Raven shrugged her shoulders, and Starfire kissed him.

"Oh, Robin!" She squealed. "This is wonderful news!" Still holding his hand, she flew to his bedroom, and with her free hand, ripped open the closet door. "Your super hero attire," she explained, pointing at his suit.

Robin fingered the material of his cape, and like being shocked by a car door on a dry day, Slade's existence jolted through him, making his hand immediately draw back. Starfire seemed to notice, and she floated down to the floor. "You do not have to accompany us," she informed him softly. "We understand if you are not ready."

"No!" Robin exclaimed, and then tried to calm his voice. "No, I mean, I _want_ to, Star." A part of him really did want to. He wanted to run around the city chasing bad guys and fighting crime. He wanted to be a hero again. Another part of him reminded him that running around and fighting crime had gotten into this terrible mess, and doing it again would make him vulnerable, open, and prey once more. Standing between Starfire and the suit, Robin hesitated, and finally grabbed it from the coat hanger. Starfire smiled slightly, but she could see how worried he was.

---

"He's messing with the generator in the hospital," Cyborg explained from his communicator to the others. "Not a good place for a blackout, and without that generator, they have no backup power."

"So what's the plan?" Raven's voice crackled over her own communicator. "Just bust in and kick his butt…or…something more methodical?"

"And to think he's doing this during Earth Hour," Beastboy 'tsk-tsk'ed from his own device. Nobody bothered explaining to him that Earth Hour meant shutting electricity off, but even if Robin had been paying attention, he still wouldn't have told him. His mind was a million miles away, screaming at him over the roar of his bike that this was a bad idea. It helped that Starfire's arms were around his waist. He didn't feel so alone, even in the middle of traffic.

They reached the hospital at the same time, Beastboy and Raven coming down from the air, Cyborg stepping out of his car, and Robin and Starfire climbing off of the bike. Raven, Beastboy, and Cyborg stared at their leader for a moment, seeing him in his uniform for the first time in many months, and they quickly turned away. Robin took a deep breath as he stared at the clear sliding doors of the hospital, darkness engulfing light through the windows every few seconds. Starfire wanted to hold his hand, and almost tried, but Raven shook her head in the other girl's direction.

"Titans," Robin removed his bo staff. "Go!"

---

"I really don't like the dark," Dr. Light commented as he held a glowing cylinder. "But I do need energy now that the world's running out. " He patted the container. "This should do nicely."

As he started his way out the door, the Titans blocked his exit. The villain paled, and then furrowed his brows. "Wait a minute," he said, pointing to Robin. "You're still on this team?"

"This is my team," Robin informed him. "Now are you going to give that energy back without a fight, or do we have to do this the hard way?"

Dr. Light chose the hard way, and after he was in cuffs being led away by police, Robin felt himself smiling. Something filled him that suddenly made him feel at ease. Something that made him feel strong. He then realized that it was what had been missing in his life for a long time, his courage. They went to IHOP for a pancake celebration, and then back at the tower, they played video games and watched movies. Robin laughed more, made jokes, and decided that things finally were returning to normal.

As he lay in bed that night, he thought about the missions that would follow. The High Five, Control Freak, various bank robbers and muggers…he suddenly couldn't wait to have them back in his life. He was not scared, not depressed. He was Robin, leader of the Teen Titans!

Things really did turn around for the boy and just over the course of a few weeks, he was Robin-Boy Wonder, all over again. His friends were so happy to have him back that they pushed their uneasy feelings aside and decided to believe that Slade had not really taken Robin from their home.

---

"Man, Mad Mod is so crazy," Beastboy said, flopping onto the couch with a bag of chips. "He makes me wanna come home and watch _Harry Potter_ or _Monty Python_." He grinned. "Hey! Let's watch a Monty Python movie!"

Raven was the first to roll her eyes. Starfire volunteered to help Beastboy look for the movie, Cyborg standing over their shoulders barking about how he wanted to watch his new Netflix arrival. Raven raised a finger to her temple and pretended to shoot herself. She passed Robin her imaginary gun and he smiled, rolling his eyes slightly.

They ended up watching it, and even though Raven hated group fun, Cyborg was sore about not winning the staring contest, and Starfire not understanding most of the jokes or puns, they all laughed and had a good time. Starfire ended up laughing so hard that she buried her face in Robin's shirt, trying to catch her breath. Robin was laughing too, but his laughter became empty when he felt the alien girl's fingers brush over the tattoo on his back through his Tshirt. Her hand paused briefly, and Robin looked down at her covered her face. Her shoulders were still shaking from when she had been laughing, but as her grip on him tightened, he realized that she had started to cry, and not from laughing.

"Star?" His voice was between a whisper and silent mouthing. The girl did not raise her head, and Robin suddenly wanted to be alone with her. He did not need an audience for a moment like this. He rubbed her back, looking at his friends through lowered lids.

"Forgive me," Starfire squeaked, and he realized she was trying to keep her voice low as well. "I am just overcome with…" she let out a laugh, looking up, but Robin could tell it was not a 'ha-ha' kind of laugh. "I do not even know."

Robin stared into her green cat eyes, and without even thinking about it, he stood up, holding her hand, and led them outside to the rocks. The water crashed below, and the smell of salt and scarce greenery filled their noses. Starfire flung her arms around Robin's neck and kissed him, making him stumble slightly. Robin kissed her back, and happiness flooded through him. The two continued to kiss, necking their way into a passion Robin had never felt before, and the two eventually lost their footing, taking their new passion over the ledge. Luckily flight came instinctively to the Tamarian girl, and she brought them back over to solid ground. Physically, anyway. Their emotions were another story. Robin felt light-headed, and suddenly knew that he wanted Starfire in a way he thought he could never want anybody after what had happened to him.

"Starfire," he panted, holding his dizzy head. "I love you."

"I love you too, Robin," the girl replied, nuzzling her cheek against his. She rested her head on his shoulder. "I love you so much."

"Tell me again," Robin whispered, inhaling the scent of her hair. "Please tell me again."

"Robin," Starfire pulled away from him, so she could stare into his eyes. "I know what you are thinking, and believe me, I am thinking of it too, but-"

"But what?" Robin took her hands, afraid they might slip between his fingers. Afraid he might not be able to touch them again.

"Are you sure you have taken the time you needed to heal?" The girl pulled away from him completely. Robin noticed how beautiful she looked in the moonlight, and a tiny boat bobbed behind her in the distance.

"I don't know," he admitted meekly. "But Star, I don't want to wait! I don't want to have to wait to heal! I just want things to be the same again!" He tried to take her hands again, but Starfire floated up in the air, staring down at him.

"I do not wish to hurt you," she said. "Robin, you cannot just decide you want this simply because you wish to be normal again."

Robin stared at her like she'd slapped him in the face. "You think…" he looked away briefly. Starfire floated down and said quietly, "I just do not want you to regret anything."

"The only thing I regret is chasing Slade for so long," the boy muttered. "But if you think I'm contaminated or something-"

"That is not fair," Starfire's voice sounded shaky. "You know I would never think such a thing."

"Well, you could've fooled me!" Robin mentally told himself not to pick a fight. Not with Starfire. Not tonight. "You won't even touch me anymore!" He held out his hand, shaking. It was the hand with the tattoo.

Starfire's brows furrowed and she shook her head slightly. "I cannot believe you think that." She stepped away from him again. "Do you only wish to be with me because it makes you feel better about Slade?"

"I want to be with you because I love you!" Robin screamed. Tears began streaming down his face. "But I guess nobody can love me back anymore."

"Not if you are going to act like this the rest of your life," Starfire shouted back. "Robin, I will not give myself to you if it is not out of love."

They stared at each other for a moment, and finally Robin looked down. Starfire softened a bit. "Tell _me_ that you love me," she said quietly.

"I love you," Robin said, loud and clear. He stepped closer to her, his arms flat against his side. "No strings attached."

Starfire kissed him, and they kissed just as they had before. The kiss led them all the way to Robin's bedroom, and they did everything carefully-slowly, the way a first time should be. Starfire kissed the tattoo on his wrist, and the one on his back. She held him, just as she would have held him all along, just the way she had always wanted to, and Robin hoped he was holding for the same reasons. He hoped that he hadn't been brainwashed all over again. He made a mental note to himself after kissing a sleeping Starfire that he would never again talk about Slade. He would brainwash himself into forgetting about him altogether, somehow.

He changed into some PJs and dug out his ipod. Collapsing back down next to Starfire, he skipped to a song he hadn't listened to in a long time. His father had made him buy it from itunes because he liked it, but even though he had whined about it being old fashioned, Robin secretly liked it himself.

It was a song titled, "Hard Love" . The first few lyrics were about being a child-and all of the difficult things about being a child, but as Robin drifted between listening and sleeping, he really understood the rest of the song for the first time.

_I recall the gentle courtesy you showed me as I tried  
To dissemble in politeness all the love I felt inside  
And for every song of laughter was another song that cried  
This ain't no easy weekend, this is hard loveo day  
There was nothing left to sing about but hard love_

**--**

He rolled over onto his stomach and folded his hands onto his pillow. He wasn't much of a religious person, and wasn't sure if his silent plea was really a prayer or just a desperate wish, but he recited in his mind and mouthed with his mouth, "Please don't let this be hard love. Please let it be the real thing. Please let me forget about Slade. Get him out of my life."

To Be Continued…

**Author's note:** Wow. I'm surprised I even got that far. Anyway, sorry to keep everybody waiting for so long. I have a bad habit of losing interest and not continuing a fic. One of my many New Years resolutions was to stop doing it, so I'm still trying. I will try and have the next chapter up within a few weeks. Please review! Tell me if it's not too terrible yet.


	7. Not Afraid

**Not Afraid**

**Author's note:** Here it is, the next chapter. Hope you enjoy! R & R, por favor!

Six months passed. Six months that seemed to go by slowly, but at the same time, go by very quickly. Robin seemed to return to his old self over time-just as Raven had predicted. Nearing seventeen, he'd grown a few inches and put on some muscle. He'd also had his tattoos laser-removed. They left dark marks on his back, but he'd rather be scarred than branded.

He and Starfire were more in love than they'd ever been. Robin even had an idea itching in the back of of his head-one that made him sweaty and nervous. He often passed by the jewelry store when they went to the shopping mall, and would have a soaked collar and underarms by the time Starfire got done eyeballing the items in display window. He eventually decided to follow through with his plan.

"How is the Korkmeetz?" Starfire asked, wiping her hands on a dish towel. She had been wanting to cook dinner for her friends for a while, but they always made excuses. She wore them down eventually, and they poked at the yellow steaks on their plates.

"It was great," Robin lied politely. He'd cleaned his plate, but it's not like he had tasted anything. He was too apprehensive. He had simply shoveled in food and chewed mechanically. For all he knew his stomach could be filled with nails and he wouldn't know it.

Everyone stood up, gathering their dishes, and Robin cleared his throat loudly. When nobody bothered to stop, he tapped his fork against his glass. Of course, it was plastic, but it still made a noise. They all stopped and looked at him. He asked Starfire to join him at the head of the table. Curiously, she floated over to him and landed beside him. She let out a gasp when he got to one knee and slid a ring onto the third finger of her left hand.

"I just wanted everyone to be here when I put this on your finger," he said, wiping sweat from his forehead. "That's all."

Starfire looked at each of her friends, her eyes glittering with delight, and then she threw her arms around her boyfriend's neck, knocking them both to the floor. The other Titans clapped and Beastboy whistled loudly. Starfire smothered Robin in kisses and then flew over to Raven to let her see the ring. Cyborg caught Robin in a headlock and gave him a noogie.

---

"Are you sure you guys are ready to get married?" Raven asked Robin the following day when they were alone in the tower. "I mean, you're only sixteen."

"I'll be seventeen in a matter of weeks," Robin shrugged. "And I can't imagine being with anyone else. She's perfect, Raven." He smiled. "Besides, what's really going to change? We already live together."

Raven shrugged one shoulder and went back to her book. "If that's the way you feel," she muttered, turning a page.

"How should I feel?" The boy couldn't help but sound indignant.

Raven glanced at him. "Don't get so defensive," she told him. "I can see that you and Starfire really have a connection. I just feel that you two have been rushing your relationship lately."

"Well, I think it's a good idea," Robin said. "And we're engaged for an entire year, so by the time we get married, I'll be eighteen."

"What a difference," Raven replied sarcastically. Seriously, she said, "I think you've come a long way. You and Starfire both. I wish you all the happiness in the world."

"Thanks," Robin stood up and stretched.

---

" 'Married'?" Bruce repeated, massaging his forehead with his fingertips. "I have to tell you, Richard, this doesn't sound like a good idea to me."

Robin's heart fell and his smile deflated. He was glad the conversation was over the telephone. He cleared his throat and asked, "Well, why? I mean, I'm getting married. It's a good thing, I thought."

"You're not even seventeen yet," His father pointed out. "And marriage is a big step for anyone, especially two young adults just starting to figure out the world."

Robin rolled his eyes. "Dad, we protect the city. Starfire's an alien princess. I'm the only child of _Batman_. I think we have the world figured out enough to get married." He lowered his voice. "I mean, we've been sleeping together for six months."

He thought he heard Bruce trying to suppress a groan, but he wasn't sure. He continued, "Look, you don't have to like the idea, but we're still going through with it."

"If that's the way you feel about it," the older man sighed. "I like Starfire, don't think it's anything against her."

There was silence and Robin knew something else was on Bruce's mind. Something he wasn't going to talk about, at least not over the phone. Robin glanced down at the slightly shiny patch of skin on his wrist and he had a feeling he knew what the things not being said were. He shifted the phone and said, "Look, Dad, I'll be okay. I have to grow up."

"It seems like you're trying to grow up a little too fast," Bruce replied.

"Maybe I need to," Robin collapsed onto his bed.

"Maybe _I_ need to," his father chuckled. "Maybe it's just hard for me to hear you talk about marriage. One minute you're stressing out over your fifth-grade math homework and the next you're calling me up announcing you're engagement."

Robin smiled too. "It'll be okay."

"Our roles already sound reversed."

---

"Ugh…" Cyborg groaned, staring at the mission map on the large monitor. "Why do dumb criminals always have to start trouble right when my soaps are about to come on."

Raven snorted into her cup of tea and looked up beating her chest, trying to hide her smile. "Sorry. Swallowed too soon."

"Man, now we'll never know if Dr. Samosa really had an evil alien twin clone!" Beastboy whined. He glanced at the screen. "Who is it anyway?"

"Who knows," Cyborg scoffed. "Some idiot on the outskirts of town near the old ware…" he trailed off and his teammates's brows furrowed.

"Warehouse," Robin finished for him. He picked up his bo staff. "I'm really alright, you guys. That was a long time ago."

"What if it is…?" Starfire looked down at the floor. They had gone so long without mentioning him that she wasn't sure if she could say his name.

Robin looked at her and then at the rest of his friends. "Let me go alone," he said.

This was not the answer his friends were looking for and they immediately began voicing their objections. Robin waited patiently for them to finish. He said, "I'm older. I'm not scared anymore. Slade is just an enemy again. He doesn't scare me."

"But Robin," Starfire bit her bottom lip. "I am scared." She walked over to him and took his hands. "I am scared that I will lose you again, and Robin, I will not survive your absence again."

Robin pulled her against him and rubbed her back. "I'll come back, I promise." He kissed her forehead and then her lips. "Promise."

---

The warehouse was as dark and empty as it was the last time he'd stepped inside. Things were different now, he told himself. Last time he'd been desperate to catch Slade, blinded by rage and hate. Now he was older, and things were different. Even if it had only been a year, he was older. Much older. He stood in the middle of the large, dark structure, his eyes scanning the area, his head barely moving at all.

"Look at you," a familiar voice echoed through the building. "All grown up."

Robin didn't move. He wasn't going to be scared. He wasn't going to be stupid this time. He didn't say anything, and felt his heart skip a beat when the sound of heavy boots landed behind him. Before the man could actually touch him, he moved swiftly, spinning around to face Slade-who had been inches from the back of his head.

"You're not alone," Slade sneered. "You would never face me alone again."

"You don't know anything about me," Robin replied, shaking his head.

"I'm glad you decided the mask was a bit juvenile," the man said, staring into his blue eyes.

"Too bad you never matured," Robin replied, staring back into his one exposed eye. "You know, Slade." He took a few steps to the side. " I really thought I was going to stay broken. I thought you had really beat me for a while."

Slade didn't say anything. He just watched as Robin dug around in the pocket of his jeans and removed his bo staff, pushing a button on it to extend it to its full length. Robin continued, "But you didn't. In fact, you did just the opposite." He tossed the weapon at the man's feet. "I don't even see you as a person, anymore. I don't even see you as being real anymore. You're just this…_monster_ that used to live in the dark." He let his hands fall to his side. "But I'm not a little kid anymore, Slade. The lights are on and now I just think the idea of you is ridiculous."

Slade let out a small chuckle, shaking his head. "Robin, you are too much when you pretend." He began circling the boy. "If you're not scared, then why come alone? Why come here unmasked? If anything, you're even more afraid than you ever were." He leaned into the boy's ear. "I kept you alone, away from _them_. And I kept you unmasked."

Robin didn't flinch. He didn't look at him either. Slade pulled away and took a step backwards. "Honestly, Robin. You've become exactly what I created you to be." He began pacing again. "I took away your courage, your freedom, you're spirit, your _dignity_." He walked back over to him and stood behind him, looming over him like a large shadow. "It's all gone, Robin. It's all _mine_."

He was caught off guard when Robin removed a small knife from his pocket and stabbed him in his chest. Slade stumbled backwards, clutching the weapon, his one eye wide. Robin stared down at him as he fell to his knees. The hand that had stabbed him was bloody from where he had held the knife in, if only for a few seconds. Slade coughed, and blood leaked from the small opening that separated his mask and neckline.

"Yah?" Robin wiped his bloody hand on the hem of his Tshirt. "You still think I'm scared."

Slade didn't say anything. He just looked at Robin. His eye became even more wide when Robin pulled a pistol from his pocket. "You made me stab a dog, and I stabbed you," he said, adjusting the weapon. "You tried to shoot me, but guess what?" He fired the weapon and Slade flinched. Robin crouched down and whispered, "Blanks."

He stood back up and said, "You don't scare me. Go down thinking whatever you want, but if anything, you made me stronger." He walked over to one of the various crates that read in big red letters 'Caution: flammable'. "And that's your own damn fault." He retrieved a lighter and climbed onto the crate. Slade stared at him, still gasping.

Robin lit the crate and as quickly as he'd lit it, he jumped from the wall to the ceiling, busting through the dilapidated roof and rolling over and making a running jump to the neighboring warehouse. He watched as several other explosions went off in the other building, blowing out the windows. He hopped off of the roof and sat down, leaning against the wall. He began to cry, burying his face in his drawn-up knees.

"Robin?!" Starfire flew over to him. She knelt down, trying to pry his head up. "Robin!"

"I'm okay." Robin looked up, and wiped at his eyes with the back of his hands.

Starfire looked as worried as anything and she asked quietly, "What happened?"

"He's gone." Robin stood up, pulling her up with him. "He's gone, Star." He hugged her, wrapping his arms around her tightly.

They walked around to the other side of the building, which was burning faster than anything they'd ever seen. It was just like the past six months. On one hand it seemed fast, but in another way, it burned agonizingly slow. They held hands, their clothes turning smoky and dark from the heat and smoke. There was no telling how long they stood like that, but when the firefighters arrived, they turned to walk away.

"What happened?" One of the firefighters called to them.

"I don't know," Robin called back. "Something inside just made a loud noise and then the whole place caught fire."

"It's an old building," the worker replied, shaking his head. "The city doesn't even care about things like this. Dangerous things! Just left to do whatever they can, and hurt people!"

"Tell me about it,"Robin said. He looked the structure up and down. "Looks like it's all gone now."

He and Starfire walked away and Starfire held his hand tightly. They returned home, but did not immediately go inside. They kissed for several minutes, their faces smudged with black and reeking of smoke.

"What if he is not gone?" Starfire asked, when they pulled apart. " I mean, I am certain he is, but you just never know."

"If he's not," Robin ran his finger over her engagement ring. "I'll just have to take him down again. I'm not afraid anymore." And he felt certain that he meant it.

The End

**Author's second note: **Betcha didn't think that was the last chapter, did you? Well, it is. I hope you guys enjoyed the sequel and the story as a whole. Anyway, there might be more fics like this to come-maybe from the same story. You never know. Read and review please! Let me know what you think! Or _thought,_ rather.


	8. Alternative Ending

**Alternative Ending**

**Author's note: **I felt the last chapter was a bit rushed, and I also left a few little things out that I had wanted to put in. This can be looked at as an 'aftermath' or if you liked the previous chapter, you don't have to consider this anything to the story.

"So you don't want to get married anymore?" Robin asked, trying his best not to sound so deflated. He ran his fingers through his hair, shifting slightly.

"It is not that," Starfire sighed, removing the boy's hand and keeping it still, clasped tightly in hers. "Robin, I feel that we rushed things. I was so eager, and you were so eager. We wanted so badly to make things fit together again." She scooted closer to him. They were seated on the roof of the tower, but it felt like they were all alone. Sitting on the roof of the world. "I said yes because I thought it would erase everything that had happened, but Robin, it cannot."

"I love you," Robin muttered hopefully. He took his hand away. "Starfire, Slade's gone. I made sure of that. I went back and checked the warehouse, and there was his body. I killed him!"

Starfire only shook her head. There was an odd expression plastered on her face, as if she felt sorry for Robin. Felt scared for him even. "You did not," she said quietly. "You may have disposed of his physical body, but Robin…" she shifted herself to face him directly. "I still see him in you. Haunting you. Waiting for you."

"He's not here anymore," Robin tore at his hair. "Do you want me to be scared? Is that it? Do you just hope that I'll be miserable for the rest of my life?!"

"I just do not think you are being true to yourself," Starfire stood up as he did. "The Robin I know would not have just destroyed Slade. The Robin I knew was a hero, not a murderer."

It was too much for his ego to bare, and without even thinking about it, Robin began to scream at her, making her jump slightly. "SHUT UP! A _murderer_?! You think he didn't do terrible things to me?! He made me wish I was dead! I wanted him to kill me! Everyday I wanted to die!" He turned around and raised his Tshirt slightly. "I will always have this horrible scar because _he_ marked me! While I was throwing up with a fever, that bastard took a burning hot needle to my skin for over two hours, _branding_ me!" He began to cry, in spite of himself.

Starfire looked horrified, and her voice came out smaller than he'd ever heard it. "What did you do?"

"What could I do?" Robin almost laughed, sniffling. "All I could do was wait on what he had next." His arms fell helplessly to his side. "He made me do awful things, Star. I had to stab a dog, I had take blows to the face, he…" he would not say it, not to her. "He just _ruined_ me, okay?"

The alien girl grabbed him, pulling him against her. "No," she wept, buring her face into his shoulder. "He did not ruin you."

"Please don't call me a murderer," he whispered, his arms still at his side. "I killed an animal, and had a human being killed because of me. Slade wasn't either of them."

"You should have told us," Starfire whimpered, still sobbing. "Why did you keep all of it to yourself? We could have helped you."

"How?" Robin pulled away from her. "How could you have helped me? The only way I was ever going to get rid of him in my head was to get rid of him in reality." He turned away from her. "I planned it. For a long time. After I moved back into the Tower, I was already waiting on him to show up again." He looked down at his shadow. "Just so I could kill him…"

A gust of strong wind flew by and Starfire tried to get control of her hair. She looked out into the sky, blanketing the city with its cloud-dotted blue. "I am sorry," she said quietly.

"I understand that you don't want to marry me," Robin muttered. "I wouldn't want to marry me either, I guess."

"I do wish to marry you," Starfire told him. "But, Robin, it is not the right time. We both still have wounds, yours greater than mine."

---

Robin turned eighteen and he and Starfire did not get married. In fact, they broke up shortly after he turned seventeen, and dated on and off afterward. It was funny how he thought Raven and Bruce had argued just to show how mature they were, but over time, Robin realized they had been right along. He fell in and out of love with Starfire, and vice versa. He would go through phases of being moody and scared, and there were times when nothing in the world could rattle him.

Time was a strange thing. Sometimes it seemed to go on without him, and sometimes he raced ahead of it. A criminal was brought into the hospital, poisoned by his own mistake, and Robin had been on his way out the door when a doctor ordered, "Detox!"

He ended up staying, watching the unconscious drug-addict, the machines hooked up to him. The doctor said, "It's a slow, painful process. Poison, especially those in drugs, are hard to clear from the system, and even after, things won't be the same again." He sighed. "The magic of Detox isn't the medical portion, it's the emotional one. The one only time can offer."

Robin nodded. His system wasn't filled with heroine like the other young man's, but the words still went deep within him. He was filled with his own poison-Slade. He had been addicted to catching him, and when Slade caught him instead, it had been long and agonizing, and frightening. His own Detox was still not fully complete, and he would still have problems, still have fears, still have bad memories. Time could heal things, though. He knew this now. Maybe things would never be rip-roaringly happy again, but they would be okay.

"Go home, Kid," the doctor said. "I know you're a super hero and all, but that's no reason not to get your rest."

"Yah," Robin nodded, turning to leave.

"How is he?" Starfire asked, meeting him outside, floating down from the sky.

"He'll be okay," Robin said. He took her hand. "It'll be okay."

Starfire looked at him, and she smiled slightly. "Yes, it will."

The End (for real this time)


End file.
